Big, messy emotions can be uncomfortable to talk about, especially when you’re in the thick of them.

Sometimes, life gets really challenging. It’s times like these that we need to reach out to one another and normalise opening up about our struggles and asking for help or support.

For the most part, we are reluctant to reach out for help. This is because it can be scary to put ourselves out there in a vulnerable way and admit we’re hurting or struggling. You might think that asking for support makes you a burden or puts too much pressure on others. Or maybe you’ve internalised unhelpful messages from society and formative relationships that have framed help-seeking as an act of weakness.

It’s time to push past these obstacles and recognise that seeking help is actually an incredibly courageous act. It means that you know enough about yourself to know you’re not doing great, and it shows that you understand that other people can provide a valuable means of support and solidarity.

WHY WE STRUGGLE ASKING FOR HELP

• We think that asking for help or expressing emotions is a sign of weakness or deficiency
• We’re worried people will think less of us – like we’re incompetent or incapable
• We don’t want to be a burden on others
• We’re uncomfortable around our own big, messy emotions, and don’t want to let others in on them
• We are concerned we’ll bring people down with our “negative” emotions 
• We minimise our struggles and tell ourselves that it’s not that bad
• We want to be able to fix stuff ourselves, and feel inept when we can’t
• We are afraid of saying the wrong thing or giving the wrong impression

REFRAME IT

Instead of seeing it as asking for help, why not reframe it as letting someone in…

1. Identify someone in your life that is mostly supportive, compassionate and non-judgemental (we say mostly, because, you know, nobody is perfect). This might be someone who has been kind and empathetic to you in the past, has let you know that they’re free to listen if ever you need someone, or even someone who has been open and vulnerable with you about their own struggles.

    But what if I don’t have anyone like that? It can be isolating and lonely to not have a single person you can reach out to in times of need. Unfortunately it’s not all that uncommon in our modern societies, where, post-COVID, rates of self-reported loneliness continue to climb. If you don’t have anyone right now in your social spheres whom you feel you can reach out to, you can chat to a friendly and supportive counsellor via our Wellbeing Helpline. 

2. Mention that things have been challenging for you lately, and ask if they have space to chat. Most people are willing to be a compassionate ear, particularly when they recognise someone is struggling. If you feel awkward or invasive at this point in the process, feel free to call that out, e.g. “I feel kind of awkward asking but…”

3. Open up and share what’s real for you right now. Depending on how normalised these types of conversations are for you, it might be uncomfortable, vulnerable or unfamiliar. But by being open and letting someone in, you are giving yourself the best opportunity to be seen and supported. 

4. Reflect on how it feels to let someone in. If you find yourself supported by someone compassionate and supportive, you’ll likely notice that it feels freeing and consoling to open up and let someone in on what you’re going through. Unfortunately, there might be times when that other person is dismissive or invalidating, and that can hurt (particularly if you’re already dealing with some hard stuff). Most of us aren’t necessarily experts when it comes to sitting on the other side of vulnerable conversations, but if you want to speak to someone who is, you can always call our free Wellbeing Helpline.

WE’RE HERE TO HELP

Opening up and letting someone else in on what you’re going through is a powerful and courageous act. It can be the difference between you descending into crisis and reclaiming your sense of wellbeing, connection and vitality. But there are also a number of other avenues of support that are available to you that are free and available through Support Act.

If you ever feel like you need a little help, or if you find yourself on the other end of a vulnerable conversation and would love to have more resources and supportive tools to recommend, check out the offerings below.

Call Reinforcements